The infertile couple’s guide to Valentine’s Day bliss.

Despite its focus on romantic love, Valentine’s Day can bring up anxiety and a sense of loss in couples struggling with infertility. The stress of medical procedures and rising expenses can diminish affection, actually eroding the love between partners; and the heart shaped boxes of chocolates serving only as a reminder that a once joyful sex life is now devoted solely to ho-hum, baby-making sex.

Take a few moments every day – including Valentine’s Day – to think about your partner and remember what made you fall in love in the first place. This will help you stay connected as a couple and be stronger for it, no matter the outcome of your infertility treatment. Sharing a romantic dinner for two and exchanging gifts are a lovely way to start.

Here are some additional tips to make this a Valentine’s Day to remember.

• Have an adults-only date night. Visit a restaurant, bar or other venue where there will not be any children. This will allow you to enjoy yourselves without being reminded of the children you long for.
• Pamper each other. Whether you choose to splurge on a couples massage, or stay in and take the time to make each other feel loved and special. Infertility treatment can be draining. Building each other back up is necessary self-care for your relationship.
• Open up. Sometimes, trying to be strong for your partner can prevent you from sharing how you’re really feeling during treatment.  Opening up can reduce stress and offer hope to each other.
• Take on a fun challenge. Instead of focusing on the uncertainty of infertility, choose an exciting activity. Escape rooms, dance classes or even a round of laser tag will let you laugh and grow together.

Original post February 2014
Updated February 8, 2023